Being Vulnerable.

To give in to God, is to willingly let yourself be loved. I have a feeling that’s why most of us take so long to come to Him. The fear of being completely known. Exposed and unfiltered. Nothing hidden.

The truth of the matter is, most of my generation, having been long desensitized by popular social norms growing up, the myriad of wrong influences from television and other forms of impressions… we don’t KNOW what Love IS, actually. We have the superfluous and incredibly dangerous translation of what it is.

Well let me speak for myself from this point onward. Maybe after I’m done you’ll be able to take a closer look at your personal definition as well.

To be honest though, this post will be more of a journal entry than anything else you may have categorized and come to expect based on my previous posts.

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Over the last few years and the last year in particular, Abba has been stripping back the covers of my life and removing the scales from my eyes. Showing me what IS and what isn’t of what I thought was. He has been graciously teaching me through His Word in the Gospels and real life experiences, what True Love is. What it looks like, how it feels and what He intended it to be. He has also taken the opportunity to set standards and boundaries for me personally so I know what I should and shouldn’t accept from the people in my life.

But what I’ve found as a blaring truth through the whole thing, was how scared I am to be truly loved. I take every opportunity to run away or push others away. This stems from past hurts of course, yea. But what Abba also revealed to me, was that the genesis of my aversion to affection truly stems from childhood issues of inadequacy. So if I feel I’m ultimately going to fail, or that you obviously have cognitive mis-calibrations in actually considering anything with me, I give us both a break and help YOU dodge the inevitable proverbial bullet!

Imagine the shock of that revelation. Thank GOD that He is gracious and patient with us even in His revealing.

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Being loved by my Heavenly Father has no doubt been one of, if not THEE scariest things He’s walked me through thus far. I can honestly say though, it’s been the most rewarding.

To know that despite my personal flaws (they be many many…), and despite my unwillingness to let Him in, in that way, He STILL pursues me, EVERYDAY.

Now, He has taught me self worth & self love; that neither of them are selfish but actually the opposite. They show honour and actually glorify Him in that I now treasure my self, in that I AM His earthly temple! He’s taught me what to expect and what not to take. How to handle uncomfortable situations and how to respectfully maneuver life. ALL things a loving Father teachers His Daughter.

I’m grateful for His courage in me to tell Him “yes” daily. It is not always easy, but ALWAYS worth it.

Thank You Abba-Daddy.

Coming to God

I sat up as The Lord began speaking to me. He commands my attention with yet just a whisper and a firm peacefulness that the world can never hope to give.

“Speak with confidence, as you know I will Hear you and I will Answer you. You are my Favoured Child. Once you come to Me and align yourself with My Will, there is nothing I won’t Do for you. So Come.” – Abba

As Abba had finished speaking to me,  He reminded me of a verse from Hebrews.

16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 4 v 16 (ESV)

Let me point out, that while I have read The Book of Hebrews, I have the memory of a ladybug (I like ladybugs, they are entrancing).  So it stood out to me right away, the fact that the scripture,  after I went looking, used the same strong language in the form of the word “confidence”. Another translation uses the word “boldly”.

16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” (KJV)

While still strong language, it doesn’t exactly convey the same meaning. One can be bold yet not confident in what they are doing or asking. Confidence by virtue of definition, begets Trust. Trust is developed over time, often through constant and reliable interaction whether in person or otherwise. A bond is formed. You KNOW you can Depend on the one whom you have placed your Trust in. The one whom you’ve developed Confidence in.

I have been seeking, believing, and praying, and waiting on God. What I realize now though is that i haven’t been Trusting. My confidence in Who He is has been waning. Simply because I’ve been so focused on the how’s and what’s and what if’s of what I’ve been asking Him to do. Never mind that God is the one that put the desire for these things in my spirit in the first place, and that He gave me the very words to pray. Even with all that, and being as aligned as a row of match sticks jammed in a tiny box,  I still had No CONFIDENCE!

How do I know God put these desires in my heart and spirit? Simple, they scare the crap out of me and they are things I never… ever dreamed of for myself nor even thought them to be remotely possible. So maybe I secretly don’t want them to happen and since God knows the hearts of men, He’s withholding until I’m fully aligned? The thing is though, God doesn’t have to work too hard once He’s gotten our attention. So if He’s already brought me over to His side and shown and revealed unsearchable things,  convinced me that He has a plan and a future for me and transformed and renewed my mind by making me into a new creation, I’m basically 80-95% aligned with His will by default. The other 3% is my submission and the remaining 2% that often goes un-calculated or forgotten, is our Confidence that God can actually DO this NEW thing that He has told us He wants to do AND has even already started doing! Half the time I miss the fact that He’s already started the new thing, until the new thing is just about in my face or it probably flew right over my head and I’m just chasing after it trying to catch up.

This walk with God requires us to walk WITH Him. So He will take measures to keep us in stride with Him. This is where boosting confidence comes in. I had been really waning on this point. You Pray, Believe, Hope, Wait, Pray some more, Doubt because nothing seems to be happening, and then confidence slips away. Well meaning family members start to question your judgement and confidence slips a little further down the lane. Rejection letters start coming in or no correspondence at all, which, to the world is also a rejection by default and confidence is now at an all time low, cant get any lower right? Then you start worrying, savings is now depleted, family is definitely looking at you sideways now and therefore “encouraging” you to consider other options. Whether these persons are also on this Faith Walk with Christ or not is another matter entirely and you’re purely just trying to stay afloat and not drown.

Then, in between your inward and silent sobbing, a still small whisper reminds you,

1 The Lord who created you says,
“Do not be afraid—I will save you.
I have called you by name—you are mine.
When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you;
your troubles will not overwhelm you.
When you pass through fire, you will not be burned;
the hard trials that come will not hurt you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy God of Israel, who saves you.”             Isaiah 43 (GNT)
The Lord reminds you, that you have been specifically Graced for your particular journey and that He is Always With you. The peace that surpasses all understanding returns and you remember to smile.  God’s Got You.
This is Trust. This is reliability. This is Confidence budding in all its nodular glory. Because it has to start from somewhere. It has to grow from somewhere. It has to be rooted in the one thing, the one person that will never fail. GOD.
During and after each trying situation, He maintains His presence with us whether we feel Him near or not. He never leaves us. That dependable knowledge that God IS going to show up and help us through, builds confidence.
However when we get so enthralled with what we see or don’t see, what we hear from others and what we think things should look like by now, we forget that God is still the God of Excellence and Right Timing. (Isaiah 60 v 22)
He takes precision and care to ensure that EVERYTHING works together for the good of not just ourselves, or our personal situation but for ALL that Love Him. (Romans 8 v 28) Our situations affect those of others, just as much as theirs affects ours. And if things haven’t changed yet, that means God is STILL perfecting. He doesn’t do things half way and He is not partial to one of His children over the other. He is the epitome of Neutral. Waiting and testing the heart of all that they may yet turn and come to Him. (Jeremiah 17 v 10)
Soooo, if things haven’t changed yet, re-boost your confidence. Remind yourself, not just who or whose you are, but remind yourself of Who God IS.
He is…
.Just
.Patient
.Kind
.Loving
.Omnipotent, Omniscient and Omnipresent.
He is our Counselor and our Comforter. And He will always hold our hand, every step of the way on this journey of walking in our Calling.
Be Blessed. Hang in there. Breakthrough is coming.
Remember leave your prayer requests below!