Being Vulnerable.

To give in to God, is to willingly let yourself be loved. I have a feeling that’s why most of us take so long to come to Him. The fear of being completely known. Exposed and unfiltered. Nothing hidden.

The truth of the matter is, most of my generation, having been long desensitized by popular social norms growing up, the myriad of wrong influences from television and other forms of impressions… we don’t KNOW what Love IS, actually. We have the superfluous and incredibly dangerous translation of what it is.

Well let me speak for myself from this point onward. Maybe after I’m done you’ll be able to take a closer look at your personal definition as well.

To be honest though, this post will be more of a journal entry than anything else you may have categorized and come to expect based on my previous posts.


Over the last few years and the last year in particular, Abba has been stripping back the covers of my life and removing the scales from my eyes. Showing me what IS and what isn’t of what I thought was. He has been graciously teaching me through His Word in the Gospels and real life experiences, what True Love is. What it looks like, how it feels and what He intended it to be. He has also taken the opportunity to set standards and boundaries for me personally so I know what I should and shouldn’t accept from the people in my life.

But what I’ve found as a blaring truth through the whole thing, was how scared I am to be truly loved. I take every opportunity to run away or push others away. This stems from past hurts of course, yea. But what Abba also revealed to me, was that the genesis of my aversion to affection truly stems from childhood issues of inadequacy. So if I feel I’m ultimately going to fail, or that you obviously have cognitive mis-calibrations in actually considering anything with me, I give us both a break and help YOU dodge the inevitable proverbial bullet!

Imagine the shock of that revelation. Thank GOD that He is gracious and patient with us even in His revealing.


Being loved by my Heavenly Father has no doubt been one of, if not THEE scariest things He’s walked me through thus far. I can honestly say though, it’s been the most rewarding.

To know that despite my personal flaws (they be many many…), and despite my unwillingness to let Him in, in that way, He STILL pursues me, EVERYDAY.

Now, He has taught me self worth & self love; that neither of them are selfish but actually the opposite. They show honour and actually glorify Him in that I now treasure my self, in that I AM His earthly temple! He’s taught me what to expect and what not to take. How to handle uncomfortable situations and how to respectfully maneuver life. ALL things a loving Father teachers His Daughter.

I’m grateful for His courage in me to tell Him “yes” daily. It is not always easy, but ALWAYS worth it.

Thank You Abba-Daddy.

Coming to God

I sat up as The Lord began speaking to me. He commands my attention with yet just a whisper and a firm peacefulness that the world can never hope to give.

“Speak with confidence, as you know I will Hear you and I will Answer you. You are my Favoured Child. Once you come to Me and align yourself with My Will, there is nothing I won’t Do for you. So Come.” – Abba

As Abba had finished speaking to me,  He reminded me of a verse from Hebrews.

16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 4 v 16 (ESV)

Let me point out, that while I have read The Book of Hebrews, I have the memory of a ladybug (I like ladybugs, they are entrancing).  So it stood out to me right away, the fact that the scripture,  after I went looking, used the same strong language in the form of the word “confidence”. Another translation uses the word “boldly”.

16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” (KJV)

While still strong language, it doesn’t exactly convey the same meaning. One can be bold yet not confident in what they are doing or asking. Confidence by virtue of definition, begets Trust. Trust is developed over time, often through constant and reliable interaction whether in person or otherwise. A bond is formed. You KNOW you can Depend on the one whom you have placed your Trust in. The one whom you’ve developed Confidence in.

I have been seeking, believing, and praying, and waiting on God. What I realize now though is that i haven’t been Trusting. My confidence in Who He is has been waning. Simply because I’ve been so focused on the how’s and what’s and what if’s of what I’ve been asking Him to do. Never mind that God is the one that put the desire for these things in my spirit in the first place, and that He gave me the very words to pray. Even with all that, and being as aligned as a row of match sticks jammed in a tiny box,  I still had No CONFIDENCE!

How do I know God put these desires in my heart and spirit? Simple, they scare the crap out of me and they are things I never… ever dreamed of for myself nor even thought them to be remotely possible. So maybe I secretly don’t want them to happen and since God knows the hearts of men, He’s withholding until I’m fully aligned? The thing is though, God doesn’t have to work too hard once He’s gotten our attention. So if He’s already brought me over to His side and shown and revealed unsearchable things,  convinced me that He has a plan and a future for me and transformed and renewed my mind by making me into a new creation, I’m basically 80-95% aligned with His will by default. The other 3% is my submission and the remaining 2% that often goes un-calculated or forgotten, is our Confidence that God can actually DO this NEW thing that He has told us He wants to do AND has even already started doing! Half the time I miss the fact that He’s already started the new thing, until the new thing is just about in my face or it probably flew right over my head and I’m just chasing after it trying to catch up.

This walk with God requires us to walk WITH Him. So He will take measures to keep us in stride with Him. This is where boosting confidence comes in. I had been really waning on this point. You Pray, Believe, Hope, Wait, Pray some more, Doubt because nothing seems to be happening, and then confidence slips away. Well meaning family members start to question your judgement and confidence slips a little further down the lane. Rejection letters start coming in or no correspondence at all, which, to the world is also a rejection by default and confidence is now at an all time low, cant get any lower right? Then you start worrying, savings is now depleted, family is definitely looking at you sideways now and therefore “encouraging” you to consider other options. Whether these persons are also on this Faith Walk with Christ or not is another matter entirely and you’re purely just trying to stay afloat and not drown.

Then, in between your inward and silent sobbing, a still small whisper reminds you,

1 The Lord who created you says,
“Do not be afraid—I will save you.
I have called you by name—you are mine.
When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you;
your troubles will not overwhelm you.
When you pass through fire, you will not be burned;
the hard trials that come will not hurt you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy God of Israel, who saves you.”             Isaiah 43 (GNT)
The Lord reminds you, that you have been specifically Graced for your particular journey and that He is Always With you. The peace that surpasses all understanding returns and you remember to smile.  God’s Got You.
This is Trust. This is reliability. This is Confidence budding in all its nodular glory. Because it has to start from somewhere. It has to grow from somewhere. It has to be rooted in the one thing, the one person that will never fail. GOD.
During and after each trying situation, He maintains His presence with us whether we feel Him near or not. He never leaves us. That dependable knowledge that God IS going to show up and help us through, builds confidence.
However when we get so enthralled with what we see or don’t see, what we hear from others and what we think things should look like by now, we forget that God is still the God of Excellence and Right Timing. (Isaiah 60 v 22)
He takes precision and care to ensure that EVERYTHING works together for the good of not just ourselves, or our personal situation but for ALL that Love Him. (Romans 8 v 28) Our situations affect those of others, just as much as theirs affects ours. And if things haven’t changed yet, that means God is STILL perfecting. He doesn’t do things half way and He is not partial to one of His children over the other. He is the epitome of Neutral. Waiting and testing the heart of all that they may yet turn and come to Him. (Jeremiah 17 v 10)
Soooo, if things haven’t changed yet, re-boost your confidence. Remind yourself, not just who or whose you are, but remind yourself of Who God IS.
He is…
.Omnipotent, Omniscient and Omnipresent.
He is our Counselor and our Comforter. And He will always hold our hand, every step of the way on this journey of walking in our Calling.
Be Blessed. Hang in there. Breakthrough is coming.
Remember leave your prayer requests below!

God has a standard for us.

This morning I woke and read Exodus 17. Exodus has been a “peculiar” book to me for a long time. pretty much because I watched “The Prince of Egypt” movie ….over and over again (I love the soundtrack) and figured, “hey I know it… why read it…again?” Forgive me Father for my ignorant soul has sinned against You and You alone.

How often does that happen to you though? You’ve watched something or heard something or been through an experience before so you think… “why rehash what’s already been covered?” Well the answer is, because God is constantly rehashing, and not for His sake either. He does it for us. God is constantly replaying scenarios and working out the best outcome for us. But we’re sitting in the corner pew down the road across the street thinking “been there, done that!” The reason He rehashes is not to show us our folly… but to show us our folly. (Hear me out)

GOD does Not condemn…He teaches. Being the daughter of two teachers and ultimately having a childhood surrounded by a myriad of different teachers, all with their own unique style of getting across to their students, one tends to pick up a few things. 

Remember now, God is our ultimate forgiver. He loves us and put His only begotten Son…Him ONE bwoy pickney! (oh yea…I’m Jamaican lol) on the cross at Calvary to prove just how much He loves us. He is showing us He would do anything to relate to us and to have us come back to Him, never to be separated again. (John 3 v 16, on second thought, read the whole chapter) Right! So when God rehashes or brings us back to our folly, it is not to condemn us, but to Teach UsHow else would we know where we went wrong unless He shows us. This may look like Him stripping some things back, allowing precarious predicaments to occur or even creating mirrored walls all around us called solitude. All to get our attention and to have us refocus on Him. All in the name of realignment.

The human experience. for the most part, now a days is a deeply selfish one. One that promotes “Self Made” agendas and a predominantly self driven focus with a dash of “victim” mindset for additional quirks. To break us away from that and to show us ourselves, Our Abba-Father has to remove the distractions. That is, anything that would take away our attention from HIM and the lesson He is trying to teach or reteach us for that matter. We were distracted in the first place with the wrong mindset, hence the need to bring us back around for another go.

To teach effectively one has to have intimate knowledge of 3 things:

  1. The student
    • Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” – Jeremiah 1 v 5
  2. The “problem”
    • “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God”- Romans 3 v 23
  3. The Desired Outcome or Solution.
    • “Being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus” – Romans 3 v 24
    • “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –  Jeremiah 29 v 11

Who else but GOD, our Abba-Father is wise enough to have such intimate knowledge of every aspect of us and our lives? So who else could we possibly trust to straighten us out, not by condemning us, but by lovingly guiding us. Be it a firm reprimanding (and uncomfortable situation) or a gentle leading. It can be very daunting, yes, to consider that The Creator of the universe is there watching our every move. I personally find it extremely comforting. His desire is not to judge nor ridicule nor condemn, but to guide, love and protect.

To fix a problem we must be made to face and appropriately address the problem. We can’t do that if we’re going around ignoring that we have said problem. This is where He comes in and encourages (at first),  or forces us, if we’re stubborn, to address our folly. Be mindful that as a teacher He has to be unbiased. Yet as our Heavenly Father He is nurturing and kind. We get the best of both worlds!

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! – Matthew 7 v 9-11

So if you have recently found yourself in the same cycle of procrastination, for example, and not following His cue to do that task that you know you need to get done, take the hint and do that task. Otherwise you might find yourself in a downward spiral of delays that could have been avoided. (Take it from me, not fun.)

While God IS a miracle worker, He is The God of Standards. The standard of Excellence. The standard of Obedience and Rightful Authority. The standard of Humility, Honesty and Integrity. He will not sit by and allow us to constantly feed our bad habits by bailing us out every time. This does not mean that when we call on Him in our failure or down moments, He won’t answer. He will ALWAYS answer us when we call on Him. It just means that when we do call on Him, He is going to uphold us to those standards He has set. If we don’t measure up, He will pause our situation just long enough to teach us, show us our folly and remind us of what we, as His children, are called to live up to. So that we can get back into alignment with Him and His Standards.

Is this uncomfortable? Yes. Is it painful? Sometimes. Will you live through it? Of course! Just because a situation is uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not God. Sometimes growth is uncomfortable. It is a necessary discomfort.

We only grow when we learn. We only learn when the effort to understand and do better is made. THAT, is what He will help you with. When we openly seek Him out, admit our downfalls, our wrong-doings known and unknown, and repent of those things, THEN we get His attention in a way like never before. His ear is turned specially to us in that moment. Our desire to understand, to know more about Him, turns His heart to us and our situation. We should always strive to live in this posture so that we can be acceptable in His sight. By mirroring His attributes of Excellence to the world around us, the world can get a taste of The One True God that we are so blessed to call Abba. This sincere heart posture, gets God’s attention. The desire for wisdom.

King Solomon could have asked God for any thing in the world, yet he asked The Lord for wisdom and The Lord gave that to him in abundance. However God was not blind to Solomon’s behavior and perpetual sin. (Worse He has wisdom now… he should have known better. but that’s a post for another time.)

God loves us regardless of where we are in this life. He is Gracious to us in abundance, even in our cycles of mediocrity and sin. We can’t be helped unless we are shown where we are and we come to a place of acceptance about where we are. He does not condemn us for falling short. Instead He brings us back to where we started to fall and shows us the better path. Hopefully we learn and decide to take His hand and walk WITH Him this time around.


Be Blessed!


Prayer Requests always welcomed!

This New Life of Mine

Today makes a year and 12 days that I officially said “Yes” to The Lord’s tugging at my heartstring. Let me tell you, He tugged rreeaallllll hard. The year before the “yes”, ensued terrible anxiety and heart palpitations. Heart ache too great that any one should bear and loss of connections that I held very dear. Oh yea… I’m also a retired poet. So most of my lines might actually have a rhythm or rhyme to them. It’s how I relate. I also digress …. a lot. But I usually come back to my point fairly quickly.

A lot of what happened before my “Yes” was simply God trying to get my attention. I had put so many things and people before and on top of Him that He almost became a non existent, distant memory. But The Lord always prevails.

Throughout this past year though, I’m glad for the way He has drawn me closer to Him. Have I continued to lose/give up friends? Sure! Have I continued to break barriers that distracted and kept me from Him?! By His help and Grace, absolutely! But still, the sadness of broken friendships, loved ones now (seemingly) gone, still lingers. I should point out though, that though God takes away, or removes things or people from your life, He ALWAYS replaces what was “lost” or taken, with replacements worth greater than human expectation or value.

  1. True understanding of Him,
  2. A greater sense of awareness of His nearness to you & Personal Love for you.
  3. Not to mention an around the clock, day or night, second by second, best friend that is ALWAYS THERE.
  4. A Counselor, Miracle worker and Way maker during difficult or hard to bear situations that no one else seems to understand.
  5. A Father/Mother figure to the orphaned,
  6. Lover to the lonely and,
  7. A teacher and guide to the lost.


ONLY GOD can be all these things all the time, EVERY time you need Him.

This walk with Christ is not meant to be easy, nor is it meant to be suffered through. It is meant to be ENDURED.

“Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all” – Ecclesiastes 9 v 11

The creator of Aesop’s Fables uses this verse to coin the phrase…

“The race is not given to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but to the one who can endure

To Endure is to be refined. To be stripped down to the bare essentials (original design) and made stronger while simultaneously being weakened due to current circumstances. This weakening adds to the strength developed. Counting the cost of the current situation as futile in comparison to the overall prize of that which is held out to and for us at the end.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you encounter trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.…Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him” –     James 1 v 2-3 and 12

These few verses sum up what the last 2-3 years have been like. With most of the happenings going on with me not having a clue of God’s greater plan. But I can’t say that I regret those years or the lessons gleaned from them. I also can’t honestly say that I would willingly relive them. I will say that I am terribly thankful to God for the way He has and continues test and perfect my Faith in Him, while bolstering my belief in His Will and His Word. All the while magnifying His Glory and blindsiding me with His Wonder and Grace to increase my Awareness of WHO He IS.

The Creator of ALL.
The Lover of my soul,
The Ultimate Provider in my life,
The Forgiver of my every sins (every second of every day),
My Grace Giver and Passionate Protector,
My Abba Father, My God, My Yahweh.
My Jesus & Saviour.

And I, am His Ada.


Thanks for stopping by!

Remember to leave your prayer requests down below!