To give in to God, is to willingly let yourself be loved. I have a feeling that’s why most of us take so long to come to Him. The fear of being completely known. Exposed and unfiltered. Nothing hidden.
The truth of the matter is, most of my generation, having been long desensitized by popular social norms growing up, the myriad of wrong influences from television and other forms of impressions… we don’t KNOW what Love IS, actually. We have the superfluous and incredibly dangerous translation of what it is.
Well let me speak for myself from this point onward. Maybe after I’m done you’ll be able to take a closer look at your personal definition as well.
To be honest though, this post will be more of a journal entry than anything else you may have categorized and come to expect based on my previous posts.
Over the last few years and the last year in particular, Abba has been stripping back the covers of my life and removing the scales from my eyes. Showing me what IS and what isn’t of what I thought was. He has been graciously teaching me through His Word in the Gospels and real life experiences, what True Love is. What it looks like, how it feels and what He intended it to be. He has also taken the opportunity to set standards and boundaries for me personally so I know what I should and shouldn’t accept from the people in my life.
But what I’ve found as a blaring truth through the whole thing, was how scared I am to be truly loved. I take every opportunity to run away or push others away. This stems from past hurts of course, yea. But what Abba also revealed to me, was that the genesis of my aversion to affection truly stems from childhood issues of inadequacy. So if I feel I’m ultimately going to fail, or that you obviously have cognitive mis-calibrations in actually considering anything with me, I give us both a break and help YOU dodge the inevitable proverbial bullet!
Imagine the shock of that revelation. Thank GOD that He is gracious and patient with us even in His revealing.
Being loved by my Heavenly Father has no doubt been one of, if not THEE scariest things He’s walked me through thus far. I can honestly say though, it’s been the most rewarding.
To know that despite my personal flaws (they be many many…), and despite my unwillingness to let Him in, in that way, He STILL pursues me, EVERYDAY.
Now, He has taught me self worth & self love; that neither of them are selfish but actually the opposite. They show honour and actually glorify Him in that I now treasure my self, in that I AM His earthly temple! He’s taught me what to expect and what not to take. How to handle uncomfortable situations and how to respectfully maneuver life. ALL things a loving Father teachers His Daughter.
I’m grateful for His courage in me to tell Him “yes” daily. It is not always easy, but ALWAYS worth it.
Thank You Abba-Daddy.